I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
