i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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