Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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