Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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