stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
