I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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