dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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