Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
