Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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