you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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