I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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