I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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