Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wear drunk well.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
