Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
