i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
