Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
