I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
