i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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