just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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