Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
