Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
