Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
