I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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