shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
