How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
