fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
