Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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