Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
