omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
