Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
