did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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