Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we have pet lesbian snakes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
