if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
