Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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