i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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