just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
