Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
