There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We are all done wearing pants today
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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