How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
