Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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