I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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