I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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