Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
