He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need moral support for this bender
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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