I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
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