Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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