I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
this just has baby written all over it
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
