my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
