Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
