is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
