Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
