So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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