I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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