You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
