do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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