Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
