Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize