one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i now understand why vodka
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
