Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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