He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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