my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
