i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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