No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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