we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
