I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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